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Arsenal Review

I have been wanting to do this review for so long but did not really have the time. Arsenal has just played Liverpool and Chelsea in their previous two matches and I must say these two matches were a true test of their mettle. Arsenal came out of these ordeals with a, I would say, pretty average record - one win and one loss. Why do I say pretty average? A 2-1 victory over one of the most, if not the most, illustrious English club surely warrants much more recognition?

If the victory came in the 1980s, I would undoubtedly salute Arsenal for their accomplishment. However, the win over Liverpool was, no offence to Liverpool fans, as a matter of fact, an expected outcome. Arsenal are vying for top spot while Liverpool's ambitions are a relatively humble top-four finish. 'Illustrious' is somewhat of a misnomer for the Liverpool of today. Therefore, how can you even compliment Arsenal, a title contender, for defeating Liverpool, a disillusioned team which draws so much that it might as well be an artist? It is absolutely needless to be gushing about how Arsenal displayed 'steely determination' to stage the comeback or what-nots because it is total bollocks. Arsenal did not become better out of the blue after Wenger lost his cool. It was simply Liverpool self-destructing.

Then it was the harrowing rout by Chelsea. The 3-0 scoreline might have suggested an overpowering Chelsea side but it was not the case. The result, in my opinion, boils down to football IQ. I do not know if everyone is familiar with this term but if you play some sort of team sport that requires moving a ball around, I surmise that you would have a pretty rough idea of what this means. Arsenal have been dubbed the Barcelona of the BPL and the hallmark of elan football, if I were to illustrate Arsenal's playing style in Wenger's tongue. On the other hand, they have been under fire for their inexperience and resilience, often losing out to physically stronger, albeit lesser, opponents. Well, it is time I put an end to the lies, once and for all. Arsenal diehards, brace yourselves for this.

Arsenal do not - I repeat - DO NOT play attractive football. Period. Full stop. Plus another full stop, even if it flouts any rule of grammar.

I will give the Arsenal diehards a few seconds to compose themselves before I continue.

Breathe in...breathe out...breathe in...breathe out...Okay, ready?

Despite having a techically gifted side, Arsenal's attractive football, so to speak, disintegrates against a far intelligent Chelsea. If anyone were to point the finger at the beefy physique of Chelsea players, then what about Barcelona? Are you telling me that Barcelona won the Champions League in 2009 playing against softer sides? And that Messi, Iniesta and Xavi did not have to wrestle with bigger opponents? I must give credit to Carlos Ancelotti for devising an ingenious tactic. He smartly played the 4-4-2 diamond to congest the centre of the park and baited Arsenal to cross the ball. Arsenal did, and they obediently and naively did. Not only on one occasion but on several occasions. They were like a gullible fish lured by the tingling appendage of a snapping turtle. Arsenal were devoured by Chelsea's vice-like jaw before they even knew it. Arsenal had long periods of possession but only mustered a shot at goal in the 88th minute. Conversely, Chelsea had probably five chances at goal and they scored three. Funny is not it? Well, 'funny' is just a euphemism for 'stupid'. Arsenal was positvely found wanting in the creativity and intelligence department. Their football in that match was so frustrating it made me wonder if Arsenal's so-called one-touch passing is perfected through military drilling. Self-expression or flexibility is strictly prohibited. Every Gunner has to adhere to the routine like an automaton. It looks beautiful on the outside but mechanical on the inside. To sum it up, stop all the 'Arsenal is tecnically gifted but lack the robustness' mantra, please. It is like fitting a square peg into a round hole. Arsenal is NOT Barcelona. Not even close.

On a side track, the reason why I have procrastinated for so long on blogging is a lack of time, or energy, to be more precise. If you do not know, I am presently a proud employee of Amtek Precision Technology, which manufactures computers, laptops, servers etcetera for Hewlett-Packard. Hewlett-Packard is the leading PC maker for your information. Not that ailing Steve Job's Apple Inc.. Inadvertently, I am also learning how to assemble my own PC. I would say this is a job that can make technophiles (e.g. Leh Chuan) go so green with envy they can be the back-up actor for the Incredible Hulk. And it is not all that difficult assembling a PC, so stop doubting Jeffrey's competency in PC construction, Leh Chuan.

On a side side track, to satisfy the addiction to visual stimulation of those mortals, I uploaded a picture.

Tad-dah!

Yes. I have gotten a new iPod Nano Fifth Generation. Cool huh? Actually, I did not really ask for it. However, through the goodwill of my sister (and my sister's company), I am in possession of the most sought-after teen gadget (Sorry, indulgent effect over here) . I am aware that Leh Chuan has been surviving on one roti prata a week in order to buy an iPod and I just conjured it out of nowwhere. Life is full of (bitter) ironies, innit? I got the dream job and the dream Christmas gift. What more can I ask for?

Last thing, I read one of your previous posts and noticed that you wrote 'don't slog it out like me'. The knee-jerk reaction I have to that is, 'Are you trying to be some stand-up comedian? Do you think you're Russel Peters?' Selling Wrigley's chewing gum and Appollo tidbits are in no conceivable way drudgery. Do you know how many computer chassis I have to carry everyday? At least 600! So stop all that sissy talk, Leh Chuan.

Last last thing, my holiday job pays me $8.25 an hour on Saturdays and $11 on Sundays. Thus, Yu Cheng, I have two words for you. Just two words. PWNED YOU! MERVYN CHIA ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. ALL PROPIETARY RIGHTS OF 'JUST TWO WORDS', 'I HAVE TWO WORDS FOR YOU' AND 'SUCK IT' BELONG TO MERVYN CHIA. ANY USAGE UNAUTHORISED BY MERVYN CHIA IS LIABLE TO LEGAL ACTION.