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Today, I am going to share three interesting pieces of news I have read from the newspapers.

First, North Koreans finally have their first sight of pizza after waiting for 10 long years. Last December, fat ass Kim just authorized the establishment of a pizzeria. A defector of North Korea has revealed that fat ass Kim is a food connoisseur. He has sent him on missions to find caviar from the Middle East, bacon from Denmark and melon from China. Hence, it came as no surprise when fat ass Kim assigned officers to Italy to perfect the painstaking art of al dante. The impoverished and famished North Koreans can now rejoice because they finally know how a pizza looks and tastes like. That is if they have the energy to reach the pizzeria first, of course.


Second, studies from Britain are saying that food-friendly people are environmentally-unfriendly. The carbon footprints left behind by these four-season snowmen are even more enormous than Bigfoot's. The obscene amounts of meat they consume results in the burgeoning production of cattle and this culminates in deep shit, both figuratively and literally. As we all know, manure emits methane gas which hastens global warming. So, Blubber Ongs alert! It is time for you to shed some glycerols to fit into those Billabong shorts!

Third, the aptly named brothel, The Pussy Club in Berlin is having a promotion that is not unlike the Great Singapore Sale to shopaholics. Lotharios out there, brace yourselves for this. The Pussy Club is offering unlimited, interminable, unbridled S-E-X for a mere $137! Yes, Chek Wei, I can see you already on the plane to Germany. Well, of course that is besides the point (If you believe me, you might as well exchange your testes with Shan Quan). The subtle but crucial implication is how serious the financial tsunami has hit us. When the profession that started since the cows came home stoops to discounts and promotions, it certainly sounds the siren for those who still believe that banks are as imperturbable and erect as priapic organs.